To begin with, I’d like to make one thing very clear; I am generally a very happy person and am so grateful for everything I have. My wonderful boyfriend Matt is my absolute rock; he is a little ray of sunshine in my life and I have an indescribable love for him. My family and friends are so supportive and loving, and I truly have a great life. However, as hard as this is to admit, sometimes I still feel a little bogged down and in a rut.
Inspired by a post the lovely Niamh O’Sullivan at Cinnamon Soul (one of my favourite bloggers) wrote last year, I decided to look at things I want to actively stop doing to make my life a little easier and brighter. Warning: *it’s another personal one* here’s five things I”m going to try to stop doing over the next few months;
Okay, this is definitely easier said than done. My grandma used to say when I was a little girl I’d carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, and honestly that has never changed. I fret over things I can change, things I can’t change and everything in-between. I often over think and over analyse to the point I’m in tears; then end up worrying because I’m worried. Exhausting, right?! I am so lucky that I don’t have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders; I talk to my boyfriend about anything and everything; yet I still stress myself out like you wouldn’t believe. I think sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head, I definitely am known to make a mountain out a mole hill and it’s not a positive trait. After an extensive Amazon search I decided to order You Do You by Sarah Knight, to see if I can maybe slightly retrain my thinking and learn that, even though deep down I do know, I cannot change anything by worrying, so why bother?!
Similarly to the whole worrying thing, I also try to plan my life to a T. Again, it’s getting exhausting! I have always liked routine and normality, and I definitely shy away from change, but over the past two to three years I feel I have taken planning to an extreme. I really would like to be more spontaneous and enjoy surprises. My poor boyfriend can’t even plan anything for us because I always end up begging to know what we’re doing (to be fair, he can’t keep secrets so this probably won’t change 🙊). I would love to be a little more carefree and go with the flow – I can’t remember ever having gone with the flow so this is going to be tricky! I’m going to try to strip back the ‘planner’ in me layer by layer, like cutting an onion. Hopefully minus the tears. I think having an idea of what I’m doing on any given day, but letting the day just run its course, could be a great start. (Not to be pessimistic, but I definitely think this is going to be the hardest one!)
Comparing Myself To Others
I think we are all a little guilty of this. Whether it’s a celebrity or a peer, sometimes other people’s lives seem to be all glitz and glam, leaving yours feeling a little bit boring and naff. Obviously, nine times out of ten, other people’s perfect lives are not-so-perfect, and there’s no need to compare. I think social media – especially Instagram – plays a huge part in this way of thinking; Instagram is often only highlight reels of peoples’ lives. I have to be completely honest and say I never find myself wishing I actually was someone else, or had what they have (I mean, the Kardashians’ handbag collection would definitely not be sniffed at, given the chance) but sometimes I do get a little down on me and what I have. To combat this I have started to write a little list of things I’m grateful for in my Notes app every day. Although I like the idea of doing this every morning or night, I thought this would feel more genuine and true to myself if it was at any point in the day – when I genuinely feel grateful for something, not when I feel like I have to write something down. So far, so good!
Beating Myself Up
I find this quite hard to admit, but I am pretty damn hard on myself sometimes. I am the first to sing my loved ones’ praises, yet when it comes to myself I always feel I could have done more. I tend to tell myself that even when I’ve done something well, I could have done it better. Or, even worse, I don’t believe other people’s words and find it hard to believe they are proud of me. This way of thinking is definitely not healthy and I should be as proud of my achievements as I am of others. I didn’t quite realise how often I did this until I was talking about it with Matt one evening, half-laughing about being a perfectionist, when the penny dropped. If I make a mistake, or speak out of turn, or even do something silly like smile/wave at someone who wasn’t smiling/waving at me (yep, that happened) I rethink it over and over to the point it’s ingrained in my mind forever. I’m hoping the afore-mentioned gratitidue list may help with this a little bit, but if anyone has any tips I’d love to hear them?!
Not Living In The Moment
This is something I feel terrible guilt about and wish I could change with a click of my fingers. I have had so many amazing moments over the years that I have not fully appreciated because I was already thinking about the next thing (it’s the planner in me!) or trying to make sure everything was perfect at that very moment. Over the past year or so, I have realised that living in the moment is a lot more fun and I’m actively trying to work at this. I am so lucky that my life is so full of love and happiness, and I truly want to enjoy every moment. I really value quality time especially and am trying to make sure I enjoy every little second of it. If you follow my Instagram it’s no secret I love documenting my activities/thoughts/feelings via my Story, but I cherish all the moments that aren’t featured on there even more.
Well, there you have it – baring my soul on the internet is a little more intimidating than I thought it would be! I’d love to know if you agree with any of my confessions above, and if you have anything you’d like to stop doing? My plan (yep, there I go again) is to update you in six months with (hopefully) good news on my progress!
Thank you so much for reading!